I have to thank the film Alive or Dead for teaching me some important truths. I would like to pass these truths on to you, my readers, in hopes that if the situation ever occurs, you will be prepared.
The first truth that I learned is that if a wooden door is slammed on your finger, it will be completely severed. Don't think that you need sharp edges, blunt edges do just fine.
The second truth is that crazy, inbred cannibals live in fairly clean cabins filled with well written correspondence that they can somehow read even though they seem to lack any type of cognitive thought.
The third truth is that two women who lack any knowledge or understanding how to operate a vehicle with a manual transmission can suddenly gain the ability to drive such vehicle once a traumatic situation has occurred.
Now, I tell you these important truths out of my love for humanity. And I will also let you in on what may be the most important thing you will ever learn:
NEVER WATCH THE FILM ALIVE OR DEAD, unless of course you want to watch a film riddled with plot holes, cheap gore, and acting that would make a porn star blush.
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